Men-In-Trees.pdf

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MEN IN TREES
“Pilot”
written by
Jenny Bicks
Warner Bros. Television
Treeline Films
Writer’s First Draft
Second Revision
January 12, 2006
FADE IN:
INT. A DARK BEDROOM - DAY
Light peeks around pulled shades. On top of the expensive
sheets, a silhouetted COUPLE makes love.
MARIN (V.O.)
(slight mic reverb)
Finding a good man is about as easy
as finding a cab...in a
snowstorm...on New Years Eve.
The WOMAN’S EYES go to the digital clock. The MAN notices...
MAN
Hey--
She looks back at him, all his.
WOMAN
Hey--
And she kisses him hard...
MARIN (V.O.)
That’s what my mother used to say.
You know what I say?
MARIN FRIST, 33, confident, smart, maybe too optimistic for
her own good, rolls off her fiance GRAHAM and smiles.
MARIN (V.O.)
Bull crap.
LAUGHTER echoes from a group of unseen women.
MARIN
Sorry. Late.
GRAHAM
You just got here--
MARIN
That clock is slow.
Graham sits up and smiles.
GRAHAM
Thanks for lunch, you slut.
Half-way to the bathroom, Marin turns and poses sexily.
MARIN
You kiss your fiancee with that
mouth?
Marin gets up.
2.
GRAHAM
Oh and just wait til we’re married.
Marin smiles and shuts the door. SMASH CUT:
EXT. MANHATTAN STREET - EARLY EVENING
Marin walks with purpose, checking out the women around her.
MARIN (V.O.)
Look, I get it. Some days it feels
like full-on planet of the females
out there.
Camera picks up WOMEN of all types, walking, talking on cel
phones, sitting at cafes. They all check each other out.
MARIN (V.O.)
A literal no-mans land...
Even the STORE MANNEQUINS are women...
MARIN (V.O.)
There are like a grillion women for
every man, and you’re smart--you’ve
done the math--that one man is
never going to be your man...
Marin pauses in front of a Barnes and Noble and we see a
large display of books around an 8x10 of Marin. CLOSE ON the
books, titled: “I’m happy and single--and so are you! (After
reading this book)” and “I’m dating--and so can you!”
MARIN (V.O.)
You know what we call that, ladies?
Marin turns and keeps walking...
INT. 92ND STREET Y AUDITORIUM - EVENING
CLOSE on the rapt faces of rows and rows of SINGLE 20, 30 and
40-something women who chant in unison:
WOMEN
Stinkin’ thinkin’!
ANGLE ON: STAGE. Marin lectures to the group.
dynamic, friendly, real. Your best friend.
MARIN
Yep. I got news for you--there are
plenty of guys out there. They’re
not the problem, ladies--we are.
Looks of concern from the audience.
She is
3.
MARIN
How many of you think that finding
“the one” is gonna make you happy?
Many tentative hands go up.
MARIN
Wow. When did we decide someone
else was in charge of our
happiness? We don’t even trust
someone else to order our soy
lattes!
Laughter from the audience. Standing in the back, we pick up
JANE, 28, Marin’s hard-driving editor. She smiles.
INT. A CHURCH HALL - NIGHT
Now the women look more ethnic. Marin is mid-lecture...
MARIN
Your happiness is your own
responsibility. You have to learn
to drive before you can let some
guy take your wheel. We want men.
We don’t need men. Where are we
driving to, ladies?
The ladies all chant in unison:
WOMEN
Happiness!
MARIN
And remember--you wouldn’t drive
with a blindfold on, so stop dating
with one. You gotta watch for the
signs!
INT. LEARNING ANNEX - NIGHT
Different women, exact same issues...Jane stands in back
again. Marin holds up a
“stop” sign.
MARIN
Is he married? A cheater? Watches
gay porn “just for variety”?
They’re not changing, ladies--keep
moving!
(now a
“detour” sign)
Detours! The 24-year-old kid who
sells sandwiches in your office...
the very hot ex-boyfriend who’s
never gonna commit...lose ‘em!
(MORE)
4.
MARIN (cont'd)
Especially the ex--you can’t drive
forward if you’re looking in the
rear view mirror! You’re not going
to be able to...
She holds up a
“Merge” sign...
MARIN
If he’s...
She holds up a
“Slippery When Wet” sign.
A hand goes up.
MARIN
Yep. In the back--
INT. 92ND STREET Y - AGAIN
A 40-SOMETHING WOMAN rises from the back.
40-SOMETHING WOMAN
Yeah, you say there are all these
good guys out there, but I’ve met
like two guys in the last year and
they’re schmucks. Men suck.
MARIN
Come on. Not all of them--
20-SOMETHING GIRL
Yeah! Marin found a good one!
The crowd goes wild as Marin soaks it in.
INT. 92ND STREET Y - LATER
Marin signs books as Jane watches. A FAN, late 20s, steps up
to the table. Marin smiles, not surprised to see her.
MARIN
Hey, Annie.
ANNIE
Hi.
MARIN
So I’ll make it out to--
ANNIE
Me.
MARIN
Right.
(then)
Annie, just curious--how many
copies of my books do you own now?

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