1 00:00:06,238 --> 00:00:08,638 Subtitles by explosiveskull 2 00:00:10,708 --> 00:00:11,743 Hey. 3 00:00:12,744 --> 00:00:13,609 Hey, you motherfuckers out there. 4 00:00:13,611 --> 00:00:15,845 - Yeah, there they are. - That's right. 5 00:00:15,847 --> 00:00:17,546 If you don't know who we are, 6 00:00:17,548 --> 00:00:18,881 you ain't been watching the fuckin' Facebook page. 7 00:00:18,883 --> 00:00:21,249 But this is, I'm Kidnap number one, 8 00:00:21,251 --> 00:00:23,251 this is Kidnap number two, okay? 9 00:00:23,253 --> 00:00:24,787 And we're here to tell you motherfuckers... 10 00:00:24,789 --> 00:00:25,988 Two. 11 00:00:25,990 --> 00:00:27,657 Thank you for purchasing the movie 12 00:00:27,659 --> 00:00:29,892 on VOD, DVD or whatever the fuck format 13 00:00:29,894 --> 00:00:32,561 you're watching it on but if you're 14 00:00:32,563 --> 00:00:34,630 not watching it on one of those formats 15 00:00:34,632 --> 00:00:37,633 and you're a cheap ass, no good, dick suckin' motherfucker 16 00:00:37,635 --> 00:00:40,770 it means that you are pirating the fuckin' movie 17 00:00:40,772 --> 00:00:43,739 - and you are, my friend... - Dicks. 18 00:00:43,741 --> 00:00:44,607 - Piece of shit. - Yes. 19 00:00:44,609 --> 00:00:46,609 - Piece of shit dicks. - Dicks, yeah. 20 00:00:46,611 --> 00:00:48,711 Yeah, you're a piece of shit dick, so. 21 00:00:48,713 --> 00:00:50,012 Dicks! 22 00:00:50,014 --> 00:00:52,481 You need to not pirate this motherfucker, okay? 23 00:00:52,483 --> 00:00:54,483 We all busted our fuckin' ass on this movie 24 00:00:54,485 --> 00:00:56,652 for three fuckin' years so you guys 25 00:00:56,654 --> 00:00:58,721 could fuckin' enjoy this motherfucker. 26 00:00:58,723 --> 00:01:00,389 - All yous. - And after you get done 27 00:01:00,391 --> 00:01:01,624 watching it, you're gonna agree with us 28 00:01:01,626 --> 00:01:04,393 that this a good fuckin' movie, so... 29 00:01:04,395 --> 00:01:06,529 - They're gonna like it. - So if you did pirate 30 00:01:06,531 --> 00:01:08,698 the motherfucker, you know, if you're a fuckin' 31 00:01:08,700 --> 00:01:10,499 butt pirate or whatever the fuck you wanna call yourself. 32 00:01:10,501 --> 00:01:12,668 - One of these. - Watch the fuckin' movie 33 00:01:12,670 --> 00:01:14,804 and when it's done, then go buy 34 00:01:14,806 --> 00:01:15,972 the motherfuckin' movie, okay? 35 00:01:15,974 --> 00:01:16,907 Buy it! 36 00:01:16,909 --> 00:01:18,340 Cause if you're pirating it, 37 00:01:18,342 --> 00:01:19,575 you're gonna know it's a good fuckin' movie 38 00:01:19,577 --> 00:01:23,279 and if you're not pirating it, we wanna thank yous because... 39 00:01:23,281 --> 00:01:24,513 All of yous. 40 00:01:24,515 --> 00:01:25,782 Yous are some cool motherfuckers 41 00:01:25,784 --> 00:01:28,785 - and we's appreciate you. - We's. 42 00:01:28,787 --> 00:01:29,986 - We's appreciate yous, okay? - Him and me. 43 00:01:29,988 --> 00:01:31,822 - So thank you very much. - Yeah. 44 00:01:31,824 --> 00:01:34,725 - Enjoy the fuckin' movie. - Enjoy it, dicks! 45 00:01:34,727 --> 00:01:35,761 - Peace out. - Peace! 46 00:01:51,309 --> 00:01:51,910 Hey, Rowdy. 47 00:01:53,579 --> 00:01:55,078 Yeah, Cletus? 48 00:01:55,080 --> 00:01:57,080 How much you think we're gonna get for killin' this thing? 49 00:01:57,082 --> 00:01:59,417 About a million dollars. 50 00:02:00,686 --> 00:02:02,986 And we're gonna split that like 50/50, right? 51 00:02:02,988 --> 00:02:04,488 Like? 52 00:02:04,490 --> 00:02:06,056 400 thousand each? 53 00:02:06,058 --> 00:02:07,824 You lost your goddamn mind? 54 00:02:07,826 --> 00:02:09,893 We not splittin' it 50/50. 55 00:02:09,895 --> 00:02:11,762 Hell, I got the weapons, the traps, 56 00:02:11,764 --> 00:02:13,897 even brought the goddamn beer. 57 00:02:13,899 --> 00:02:15,866 Only thing I brought your ass along for 58 00:02:15,868 --> 00:02:17,100 is so you could help me drag the body 59 00:02:17,102 --> 00:02:19,870 out of the goddamn woods. 60 00:02:19,872 --> 00:02:21,104 Alright. 61 00:02:21,106 --> 00:02:22,105 I was just hoping to get enough, you know, 62 00:02:22,107 --> 00:02:25,108 to help me get a new double wide. 63 00:02:25,110 --> 00:02:25,942 Gonna need a huntin' dog. 64 00:02:25,944 --> 00:02:27,412 Maybe get a bass boat. 65 00:02:28,847 --> 00:02:31,114 Yeah, that oughta be enough for all that. 66 00:02:31,116 --> 00:02:33,485 You don't think real big do you, Cletus? 67 00:02:36,855 --> 00:02:39,489 I figure about 20 percent. 68 00:02:39,491 --> 00:02:41,058 Like a hundred Benjamins? 69 00:02:41,060 --> 00:02:41,892 Aw, man, that'd be awesome! 70 00:02:41,894 --> 00:02:43,495 That works for me! 71 00:02:44,730 --> 00:02:46,396 Sure, Cletus, whatever you say. 72 00:02:46,398 --> 00:02:47,864 Let's just 73 00:02:47,866 --> 00:02:48,867 be quiet so's we can 74 00:02:50,702 --> 00:02:51,802 sneak up on this thing. 75 00:02:58,544 --> 00:03:00,577 I'm ready to get out of this damn canoe. 76 00:03:00,579 --> 00:03:01,413 Come on. 77 00:03:02,849 --> 00:03:04,781 Here, take this damn paddle and stick in the boat for me. 78 00:03:04,783 --> 00:03:05,617 God, damn. 79 00:03:07,452 --> 00:03:08,687 I'll get you a gun. 80 00:03:10,689 --> 00:03:11,621 Thanks, Rowdy. 81 00:03:11,623 --> 00:03:13,557 I shoulda brought my sister. 82 00:03:13,559 --> 00:03:14,260 Why, is she hot? 83 00:03:15,728 --> 00:03:20,733 Rowdy, dude, Rowdy. 84 00:03:21,868 --> 00:03:23,502 Look, restricted area, do not enter. 85 00:03:24,671 --> 00:03:26,773 Well, hell yeah it's a restricted area. 86 00:03:27,974 --> 00:03:29,472 You think they just gonna invite people 87 00:03:29,474 --> 00:03:31,175 up here to kill things? 88 00:03:31,177 --> 00:03:33,044 Come on, damn it, get in front of me. 89 00:03:33,046 --> 00:03:34,979 But that movie with the kids and the witch thing, 90 00:03:34,981 --> 00:03:36,080 - they all died! - I wanna see you 91 00:03:36,082 --> 00:03:37,650 at all times, march. 92 00:03:38,585 --> 00:03:39,917 And be quiet, damn it. 93 00:03:39,919 --> 00:03:41,686 You did take a look at all that information 94 00:03:41,688 --> 00:03:44,856 I sent you and study all those pictures, right? 95 00:03:44,858 --> 00:03:46,791 Well, of course, I did. 96 00:03:46,793 --> 00:03:48,593 Good, cause there was a shit ton of important 97 00:03:48,595 --> 00:03:50,061 information in there and if you don't know it, 98 00:03:50,063 --> 00:03:51,865 you're gonna get us both killed. 99 00:03:53,766 --> 00:03:55,533 Maybe we should review it just to make sure 100 00:03:55,535 --> 00:03:56,934 - I didn't forget anything. - God damn it, Cletus. 101 00:03:56,936 --> 00:03:58,736 You didn't look at one damn thing, did you? 102 00:03:58,738 --> 00:03:59,904 Alright, fine, you caught me. 103 00:03:59,906 --> 00:04:01,672 But, come on, what's the worst thing that could happen? 104 00:04:01,674 --> 00:04:02,807 What's the worst thing that could happen? 105 00:04:02,809 --> 00:04:03,977 Are you kidding me? 106 00:04:05,578 --> 00:04:07,511 Let's take a second here to review the rules, alright? 107 00:04:07,513 --> 00:04:09,847 Rule one: absolutely no pissin' or shittin' 108 00:04:09,849 --> 00:04:10,948 of any kind out here in the woods. 109 00:04:10,950 --> 00:04:12,450 If you're gonna do it, you gotta do it 110 00:04:12,452 --> 00:04:14,219 in a bag or in a bottle cause if this thing 111 00:04:14,221 --> 00:04:16,020 gets one scent of you, he'll be down 112 00:04:16,022 --> 00:04:18,789 on top of us in a few seconds and he'll kill us both. 113 00:04:18,791 --> 00:04:23,628 Number two: no loud noises, keep your voice down. 114 00:04:23,630 --> 00:04:24,829 I been telling you that. 115 00:04:24,831 --> 00:04:28,401 And number three: absolutely no fornification of any kind. 116 00:04:29,502 --> 00:04:30,235 Fornification? 117 00:04:30,237 --> 00:04:31,871 You mean, like, getting it on? 118 00:04:32,872 --> 00:04:34,106 Man, I don't know what you got 119 00:04:34,108 --> 00:04:35,606 planned for out here but I'm not like that. 120 00:04:35,608 --> 00:04:37,209 It's okay if you are. 121 00:04:37,211 --> 00:04:38,911 Cletus, I ain't gay 122 00:04:38,913 --> 00:04:41,880 and I sure as hell wouldn't be gay with you if I was. 123 00:04:41,882 --> 00:04:44,682 I'm just trying to tell you this thing is territorial 124 00:04:44,684 --> 00:04:48,086 and it's very important that you follow the rules. 125 00:04:48,088 --> 00:04:52,523 The thing it hates most in the world is male ejaculate. 126 00:04:52,525 --> 00:04:53,759 So you just keep it zipped up. 127 00:04:53,761 --> 00:04:55,127 Keep your tally whacker in your pants 128 00:04:55,129 --> 00:04:56,562 and we'll be just fine. 129 00:04:57,765 --> 00:04:58,931 Now come on. 130 00:04:58,933 --> 00:05:00,232 I ac...
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